Dear Jane,

        I read your mail with interest because referral and ending
issues are very important to me, as I am sure they will be to other
therapists.

>My questions are, when a therapist/client relationship terminates, what
>is a client's usual response? 

That's rather like asking "how long is a piece of string?"  Often
clients are saddened by, and resent, forced endings, but these feelings
ought, ideally, to be addressed before the ending happens.  The feelings
are strongest when endings happen suddenly, such as when a counsellor
dies, or, as in your case, has to leave the area for some reason.

I work in private practice and at a medical clinic.  I often, though not
always, work to open-ended contracts in the former and have fixed-term
contracts (maximum of 12 weeks) imposed on me in the latter.  When a
client has control over the ending I have found that this happens
gradually with much discussion on both sides. This need not mean,
however, that fixed-term contracts are necessarily more anxiety
provoking for the client.  The onus there is on the therapist to be
absolutely clear about what is on offer, and to raise the issues around
ending if the client does not do so.  I have found it useful to remind
clients how many sessions they have left and to ask them how they would
like to use them.

>Was this a usual *termination* procedure?

I honestly do not know!  As I have said above, there can be cases where
endings are suddenly imposed, when the counsellor is ill or dies
suddenly.  My preferred way of working is set out above.

>If not, how do most *terminations* take place? 

See above.  Again, I can speak only for myself.

>Of what do I need to be
>wary now that I'm *switching* to a new counselor so that I don't torpedo
>the process to heal my marriage? 

The key words here are "openness" and honesty."  You need to feel
comfortable enough to discuss your concerns with your new therapist.

>I still feel a need to see someone
>individually, but am afraid that if I work with the new female
>counselor, my husband will feel that she and I will *gang up against
>him* and will quit the couples...I can't afford that. How do I know that
>it's okay to quit any type of individual and resort to couples only?

I don't think you CAN "know".  Again, this is something you should
address with your new therapist.  If you feel unable to do this, then
perhaps the therapist is not for you.

Good luck with it,

Sue Vogel




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