I really like the poem. It is emotive and conveys pain, injury and death
that comes to us all. Perhaps, the title could be 'Inside This Hospice' - as
in this *world* we are often waiting in our beds for the inevitable, like
those in hospital. I recently visited a children's ward for a charity event
during Children's Book Week here in WestOz and we visited the children's
cancer and burns ward. So, this poem reminds me of that visit. 'I see young
bald heads/ with sunken eyes and sunken tears/ a smile caught in our web/ of
fake puppetry and luminous magic.' It appears to me that you are giving us a
sense of death, but not the true picture. This kind of poem needs to make
the reader feel for the narrator, so possibly it needs to go a little deeper
*through images.*
HH
>A triad of pain, any critique welcome.
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>INSIDE THE WORLD
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>I'll crawl through the catacombs of cancer
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>eat the membranes of flesh
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>die in the chamber of the holocaust
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>until all connection is removed.
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>The bodies of hope and destruction
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>are wet on my lips
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>I'll drink death.
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>My eyes and ears are one
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>there is no pain.
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>Inside the world.
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>Rob Kennedy
>[log in to unmask]
>
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