Thanks, Dom. I agree with so much of that - except:
"But if it were adultery per se that I wanted, if
that were
the desire I was seeking to satisfy through "fantasy
or whatever", then I
imagine my partner might have some cause to feel upset
about it."
No, a thousand times! If people had cause to feel
upset every time their partner fantasised someone else
in bed, we'd all be seeing therapists. As Ken Dodd
said: "you shouldn't surprise your husband, ladies; it
doesn't give him time to think of anybody". It's just
the same for women and it doesn't mean you don't want
to be with who you're with, just that your mind can
range over other possibilities, same as a poet can
adopt a persona. One of my students wrote a story in
which a middle-aged married woman eyes up young men.
Her daughter objects, but she replies "It doesn't
matter where you get your appetite, as long as you go
home for your dinner".
In answer to your question about Dostoevsky, I don't
think he was at all clear about his own motivation. On
a moral level he abhorred cruelty, but the masochistic
streak in him enjoyed thinking about it - he used to
sin because he enjoyed the ordeal of confession. And
I'm not sure what in me, as a reader, responds to him.
I am fairly certain I couldn't personally hurt anyone
(unless they'd harmed my children or cats) and even
more certain there'd be no fun in being hurt. But just
as part of me likes to use personae to speculate about
being someone else, I can think "what if..."
regards
Sheenagh
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