X.
Varus me meus ad suos amores
visum duxerat e foro otiosum.
Scortillum, ut mihi tunc repente visum'st,
non sane inlepidum neque invenustum.
05 Huc ut venimus incidere nobis
sermones varii, in quibus, quid esset
jam Bithynia, quo modo se haberet,
ecquonam mihi profuisset aere.
Respondi id quod erat, nihil neque ipsis
10 nec praetoribus esse nec cohorti,
cur quisquam caput unctius referret,
praesertim quibus esset irrumator.
praetor, nec faceret pili cohortem.
"At certe tamen," inquiunt, "quod illic
15 natum dicitur esse, conparasti
ad lecticam homines." Ego, ut puellae
unum me facerem beatiorem,
"non," inquam, "mihi tam fuit maligne,
ut, prouincia quod mala incidisset,
20 non possem octo homines parare rectos."
At mi nullus erat neque hic neque illic,
fractum qui veteris pedem grabati
in collo sibi collocare posset.
Hic illa, ut decuit cinaediorem,
25 "quaeso," inquit, "mihi, mi Catulle, paulum
istos commoda: nam volo ad Serapim
deferri." "Mane," inquii puellae,
"istud quod modo dixeram me habere,
fugit me ratio: meus sodalis
30 Cinna est Gaius, is sibi paravit.
Verum utrum illius an mei, quid ad me?
Utor tam bene quam mihi pararim.
Sed tu insulsa male et molesta vivis,
per quam non licet esse neglegentem."
X
I was at University House once, loose
on my end, having failed to back a winner
in the writer's grants, when Wallace-Crabbe took a shine
to my company. I think he thought her an escort;
after I'd hauled him over to meet her,
he kept on fingering his wallet.
The talk passed to fellowships,
Lit Board stories; just the sort of thing
I was not keen to discuss. My friend, not wishing
to be rude to a smiling, friendly academic,
asked about his work with the Australia Council:
how were things in Sydney? Had the
appointment made him any money?
He complained at length; fortunate
committee members were the ones on chairs,
you weren't allowed to grant yourself smoko breaks;
poets were forced to read poetry all the way through lunch,
for novelists it was bring your own light bulbs.
He described the new boss as a troppo North Queenslander,
so straight he wore a grass skirt, 'quite threadbare';
Tranter asked for cocaine & had to sit in the corner.
Thinking his story steam cleaned
of the dirt we had heard, we enquired
if Lit Board travel expenses still ran to writing off a car?
He gave my friend his back seat smile,
a slow, rich, anthologist's grin & said,
'Circumstances were not flash,
for those on Rodney Hall's camomile regime
but I handle power with a certain pride
& after a deal of trouble returned with a Saab'.
'Oh, how sublime', she said, 'darling Wallace-Crabbe,
you exquisite mover & shaker, do take me for a spin'.
He looked a little still for a pause,
as the Wallace-Crabbe wallet went back into a pocket.
'Pardon me, Miss, I lecture late tonight'.
'Tomorrow? or the next day? I'll navigate'.
'I am afraid I may have misled you a bit, this vehicle
is not stictly speaking mine alone. I wasn't thinking,
a colleague, you understand: Hart,
Kevin; it would be better to say it were his.
But he is a nice man who has me use it as I wish,
forgive the Lit Board a casual choice of words'.
Hugh Tolhurst
reprinted with kind permission of the publishers
from Filth & Other Poems
Black Pepper 1997
403 St Georges Road
North Fitzroy Victoria 3068
Australia
tel 61.3 9489 1716
$15-95
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