JoAnne,
I am no poetry critic, although I have certainly done my share of same
in graduate English seminars, but I hope my observations will be helpful
in some way.
First of all, I like the idea of the "hidden threat" which your last
line seems to suggest. It comes suddenly upon the reader, and throws a
new light upon the entire poem, so that one feels the urge to re-read,
to see if there was a clue. Is the clue, perhaps, that the speaker is
without pride? Or is it, rather, that the speaker is ravenous and not
too timid to satisfy herself? It can be read either way, which is
interesting.
Something which troubled me, although I know it is acceptable in modern
poetry,
was the lack of subject/verb agreement between "your men" and "when he
turns around." If you did this for emphasis, please disregard my
comment, but it would, in my opinion, be smoother if the subject/verb
agreed.
You know what, JoAnne, other than that little thing, I find I like your
poem very much!
I also find that there are, indeed, some men out there who enjoy the
occasional "cumbrous" sight, and eventually become bored with their
tiny, tender dears.
Hang in there, and for goodness sake, become well! I would like to hear
more from you.
"Denton, Jo Anne" wrote:
> Food For Conviction Food is an acceptable narcoticI can do it
> whenever, whereverno one gives a care.I provide a public
> service-evidently.I see you snicker to your menwhen he turns around to
> view my cumbrousbehind. Good. You trust me because I make your
> menlaugh so hard they cry, but beware,my tiny, tender dears. I do
> thingsfor them-Things they would never ask of youon your darkest day
> in hell. Joanne E. Denton 2000
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
|