Oh no - not 'Aluminium' if there's one thing Americans
got right it's the pronunciation of this word. Drop dead
gorgeous. It makes the moon glow brighter and hard
hearts melt when they say it. But the rest is fine - well,
apart from Brit's attitude to women's football but I won't
get on my high horse about that here.
G.
-----Original Message-----
From: Ben Friedlander <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Wednesday, November 15, 2000 08:42
Subject: Yer Loyal Subject
>Received this from an exchange student. Does this mean I'm now a
>British poet?!
>
>Ben F.
>
>***
>
>NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
>To the citizens of the United States of America,
>
>In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus
>to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>independence, effective today.
>
>Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
>over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,
>which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The rt. hon. Tony
>Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that
>there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for
>America without the need for further elections. Congress and the
>Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year
>to determine whether any of you noticed.
>
>To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
>1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
>Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
>amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally,
>you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
>"vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
>filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
>inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
>
>2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
>on your behalf.
>
>3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
>It really isn't that hard.
>
>4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
>the good guys.
>
>5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want
>you to get confused and give up half way through.
>
>6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
>of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very
>good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside
>your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American"
>football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
>play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with
>the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in
>time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American
>"football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty
>seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are
>hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
>
>7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
>if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
>there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
>The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
>"shit".
>
>8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
>national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
>Day".
>
>9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
>your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
>we mean.
>
>10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
>Thank you for your cooperation.
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