Interesting, Doug, that you 'added that first line'. Most people remove their first lines, do they not? And in fact, I can see merit in removing it, and perhaps elevating 'Casual glance' or 'A/The Casual Glance' to title status.
Back to the 'and', ampersand ex or not, I can see how it sort of adds to the 'rhythm' of the neck inclination or eye dart required to take in those reflections.
Bill
> On 30 Jan 2015, at 4:46 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Thanks Patrick (for that comment) & thanks everyone.
>
> Bill: I thought about that, but when I added that first line, it felt right to let it be an & (or and) situation…
>
> Doug
>> On Jan 29, 2015, at 2:23 AM, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Bill it reads differently for me without the ampersand -but personally I
>> would prfer just 'and' also it relates nicely to the second verse -but what
>> do I know anyway -now to attempt to disconnect my ancient washine? Washing !
>> machine
>> P battling on
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
>> Behalf Of Bill Wootton
>> Sent: 29 January 2015 06:55
>> To: [log in to unmask]
>> Subject: Re: snap 28/01/15
>>
>> Neat, Doug. Is the ampersand necessary?
>>
>> Bill
>>
>>
>>> On 29 Jan 2015, at 7:19 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>> a casual glance &
>>> caught under
>>> the incandescents
>>>
>>> her long hair shifts
>>> shadow lines flow
>>> up & down the compacted strands
>>>
>>> Douglas Barbour
>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>
>>> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2
>> (UofAPress).
>>> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>>>
>>> that we are only
>>> as we find out we are
>>>
>>> Charles Olson
>>>
>>
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress).
> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>
> that we are only
> as we find out we are
>
> Charles Olson
>
|